Who am I anymore?

I thought my missionary experience would give me some clarity in who I am and where I fit in the puzzle of life. Boy, was I wrong. I learned so much, yes I did, but I came home in December with many questions. This confusion has been building ever since. The clarity I did achieve from working in Overbrook was "Wow, I do not know a lot of things and I jumped the gun on this whole 'Do something with my life' business." I've been home for almost 5 months and I leave to move to California for college in 5 months. It's definitely a transition time period for me right now. It's been really hard. I have been so negative lately and I don't know why.

Today, I spoke with Matt Kelly my awesome Young Life Leader about personality tests. I finally looked at mine from when I took them this past summer. You can learn a lot about who you are through those. In all of the ones I have taken, I have learned that I am an extrovert, an inspirer, warm, enthusiastic, sympathetic, caring, etc... It's nice to know more about myself and put words to who I am and what I find important. An article I found says this: "Because ENFPs live in the world of exciting possibilities, the details of everyday life are seen as trivial drudgery. They place no importance on detailed, maintenance-type tasks, and will frequently remain oblivous to these types of concerns. When they do have to perform these tasks, they do not enjoy themselves. This is a challenging area of life for most ENFPs, and can be frustrating for ENFP's family members." 

I agree with that so much. I am an ENFP and that detailed, maintenance-type work was Overbrook for me. I am kind of confused why serving at Overbrook was part of God's plan. Obviously, I did not fit there and I honestly felt really down about myself most of the time. I was comparing myself to the other missionaries. My family situation sucks compared to theirs, I'm not as good at guitar than my missionary sister Michelle, and I had horrible acne, I felt so chubby, etc... The list goes on and on sadly. They still loved me. These girls still love me.  They are the best of friends I could ever have. I didn't even have to ask for them and God put them in my life. Me, Catherine, Genesis, and Michelle are Bandits. We made one hit song, "This is How you get Kicked out of RCMC." They got me to have so so so much fun while loving God and myself. They help me see the best in myself and I hope I have helped them to see the best in themselves as well. I literally thank God every day for them. He's pretty much the Man!

It's almost May. Spring is here! :) The sun is out, the weather is nice! I got a gig to sing a thirty minute set at the Taste of Lombard! I am so grateful for my Missionary sisters and my Family. I've been getting so much closer with my little sister Kassie. Katie, my older sister, and I have been getting along while she's living in Florida. I've been eating healthier. I've started working out. I got into my DREAM school (John Paul the Great Catholic University)! I got my own bank account. I started saving up for the big move. I've been keeping my room clean. I've been almost successful of going to Mass every morning. I got a smart phone. I have been downsizing all of my possessions. And after all of this, I still feel like something is missing. The last thing I want to do is have a "I'll be happy when" kind of mentality. The only thing I really can do is really try to build my motivation and will power, pray for some strength and positivity, and SUCK IT UP. Everyone has hard times. I really need to make the conscience effort everyday to do my best. This song really resonates with me right now:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjCnZZpqCi4
"It's an uphill battle, night and day, there's no over or under. Straight through one way. But I'm not going, going down, down without a fight. I'm not giving up my light."

I'm writing this (and this is why I repost inspiring pictures on Facebook) because I want to inspire myself to just DO. and Live. Be. See. Breathe. Life goes on. Smile! Be happy! Don't give up to achieve you dreams! Die trying. Find out what my dreams are! Pinpoint them! Figure out a way to get there! But in the mean time, Live my life to the best that I can! HOW??
1. Will Power Builders!
             Basically, I do something that is hard for myself so I can build will power. Examples would include: Facebook every other day, no chocolate, bed time, wake-up time, Daily Mass, etc.
2. Do what I LOVE!
             Music: sing and play guitar and piano everyday! Workout/do sports!
3. Help someone else to be Happy!
             I refuse to mope and be a loser! I will make someone else Happy. END.OF.STORY.
4. ACTUALLY DO IT.
             This is the hardest part.

I gotta grow a pair and just go for it! I think too much!