Clouds

Zach Sobiech, a fellow Catholic, has just died of cancer a few days ago. He wrote and recorded this song "Clouds" with his friend Sammy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zxXAtmmLLc

It's been really inspiring. I wanna go up up up. Right now, for the past semester, I've been sitting at home. I've only left for events at my little sister's high school or for hanging out with friends who came back from their freshman year at college. I used to want a lot of things, but now, I'm not really sure what I want. "Clouds" along with other inspiring music has been a kick in the pants as of recent to prioritize my life and to have a solid goal in my life. I'm still working on figuring that out but I have my good friend, who's more like an older brother, Matt Kelly, to help me figure this stuff out!

I am so grateful for each member of my family and for Matt and my missionary sister! I feel so blessed to know each of them. I've been really realizing that I hardly invest any of my time into their lives. I spend my time watching other people live their lives on Youtube and watching TV and movies while I sit at home. Unproductive. What the heck am I doing!? I need to refocus.

Thanks Zach!

Blogging.

I spent most of my day reading other people's blogs and watching their videos and learning about other people. I need to FOCUS on me - in the most humble way possible. I want to start vlogging and writing on here consistently. Also doing other things consistently like eating right and working out and writing songs. I'm going to school for film. May as well start working a little more on my talents.

Who am I anymore?

I thought my missionary experience would give me some clarity in who I am and where I fit in the puzzle of life. Boy, was I wrong. I learned so much, yes I did, but I came home in December with many questions. This confusion has been building ever since. The clarity I did achieve from working in Overbrook was "Wow, I do not know a lot of things and I jumped the gun on this whole 'Do something with my life' business." I've been home for almost 5 months and I leave to move to California for college in 5 months. It's definitely a transition time period for me right now. It's been really hard. I have been so negative lately and I don't know why.

Today, I spoke with Matt Kelly my awesome Young Life Leader about personality tests. I finally looked at mine from when I took them this past summer. You can learn a lot about who you are through those. In all of the ones I have taken, I have learned that I am an extrovert, an inspirer, warm, enthusiastic, sympathetic, caring, etc... It's nice to know more about myself and put words to who I am and what I find important. An article I found says this: "Because ENFPs live in the world of exciting possibilities, the details of everyday life are seen as trivial drudgery. They place no importance on detailed, maintenance-type tasks, and will frequently remain oblivous to these types of concerns. When they do have to perform these tasks, they do not enjoy themselves. This is a challenging area of life for most ENFPs, and can be frustrating for ENFP's family members." 

I agree with that so much. I am an ENFP and that detailed, maintenance-type work was Overbrook for me. I am kind of confused why serving at Overbrook was part of God's plan. Obviously, I did not fit there and I honestly felt really down about myself most of the time. I was comparing myself to the other missionaries. My family situation sucks compared to theirs, I'm not as good at guitar than my missionary sister Michelle, and I had horrible acne, I felt so chubby, etc... The list goes on and on sadly. They still loved me. These girls still love me.  They are the best of friends I could ever have. I didn't even have to ask for them and God put them in my life. Me, Catherine, Genesis, and Michelle are Bandits. We made one hit song, "This is How you get Kicked out of RCMC." They got me to have so so so much fun while loving God and myself. They help me see the best in myself and I hope I have helped them to see the best in themselves as well. I literally thank God every day for them. He's pretty much the Man!

It's almost May. Spring is here! :) The sun is out, the weather is nice! I got a gig to sing a thirty minute set at the Taste of Lombard! I am so grateful for my Missionary sisters and my Family. I've been getting so much closer with my little sister Kassie. Katie, my older sister, and I have been getting along while she's living in Florida. I've been eating healthier. I've started working out. I got into my DREAM school (John Paul the Great Catholic University)! I got my own bank account. I started saving up for the big move. I've been keeping my room clean. I've been almost successful of going to Mass every morning. I got a smart phone. I have been downsizing all of my possessions. And after all of this, I still feel like something is missing. The last thing I want to do is have a "I'll be happy when" kind of mentality. The only thing I really can do is really try to build my motivation and will power, pray for some strength and positivity, and SUCK IT UP. Everyone has hard times. I really need to make the conscience effort everyday to do my best. This song really resonates with me right now:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjCnZZpqCi4
"It's an uphill battle, night and day, there's no over or under. Straight through one way. But I'm not going, going down, down without a fight. I'm not giving up my light."

I'm writing this (and this is why I repost inspiring pictures on Facebook) because I want to inspire myself to just DO. and Live. Be. See. Breathe. Life goes on. Smile! Be happy! Don't give up to achieve you dreams! Die trying. Find out what my dreams are! Pinpoint them! Figure out a way to get there! But in the mean time, Live my life to the best that I can! HOW??
1. Will Power Builders!
             Basically, I do something that is hard for myself so I can build will power. Examples would include: Facebook every other day, no chocolate, bed time, wake-up time, Daily Mass, etc.
2. Do what I LOVE!
             Music: sing and play guitar and piano everyday! Workout/do sports!
3. Help someone else to be Happy!
             I refuse to mope and be a loser! I will make someone else Happy. END.OF.STORY.
4. ACTUALLY DO IT.
             This is the hardest part.

I gotta grow a pair and just go for it! I think too much!

My Dream

...I have a lot of them. Perform in front of 2000+ people, go to the moon, backpack through Europe, become a recording artist, fly a plane, etc... I have fulfilled one of my life long dreams! Travel for mission work! :) As of July 26th, 2012 I became a Regnum Christi Missionary! And actually, right now I'm in Rhode Island where I will be working at a boarding school! It's awesome! I am so excited to start when all the girls get here on Thursday. It will be an adventure. Pray for me!

Airports feel like home :)

Living Like It's Your Last Day

Alright, So I've been thinking about this a lot.... What does it mean. I kinda take from it that it means be super outgoing. But the problem with that is that on July 29th, I'm going to Young Life Camp in New York and oh my goodness! There is so much to do! And it's scary things. I used to be an adrenalin junkie, but now, I'm a scaredy-cat! I hate it. But I'm not sure how to overcome a fear. I want to before I die, but what if the thing I do kills me. haha. Idk, Just a thought.

My Facebook Page :)

Catching Up

I know I haven't posted anything in days... I have been quite busy watching all the 7 Harry Potter films and making t-shirts with my sisters that we're going to wear to the midnight showing of Harry Potter 7 part 2 :) Not gonna lie, I'm pretty pumped.

Alright, So today, I got hit by a car. I was riding my bike with a couple friends and we were on our way home from the 9 mile marker and a guy hit me while i was crossing the street. He had the right-of-way but really? I mean use your peripherals buddy! My friend crossed literally riight in front of me and you didn't feel like slowing down for me? Not the best move on his part. and I got 100% full blame for it. yes, it was completely my fault for getting hit by an SUV. Thank You so much policeman!
So not the best day. But I went to this thing going on at my church for the week called Totus Tuus and I learned that really the only person who stays by your side and backs you up no matter what and stays there even when you're wrong is Christ. I mean i came home and told my family what happened to me on the bike and my sister was like "serves you right"... Hey thanks family member, But i got Jesus on my side so I win! :P haha At least someone is there for me whenever I need someone!

ahh. Try learning about Him. You can never learn enough. I really do wish I was stronger in my faith and i knew more facts. I can hardly back myself up ever. It's a flaw I have that i really want to fix. Starting now, I'm working on that. :)

What to do, What to do.

Ahh. Summer. Time to relax and enjoy life! That is so true. Sleep for hours, go outside! Make yourself an adventure, go outside! Hang out with friends, Go outside!!! Staying on the computer for hours on end is not a way to spend summer. Of course this is coming from me who spends hours on Facebook and Youtube. I have realized there is always something to do! There's always something. So make something of your summer. and Make something of your life. Set a goal and achieve it! You can do anything you set your mind to! :)

Do What you Feel Comfortable With

In high school, many people do things to follow their group of friends just so they can stay friends. This can even follow you into your adult life if you carry on with that. I don't know too many people who want to be followers, but if you are one of them, please let me ask you this question: why? Why would you want to stay "friends" with these kind of people and why would you want to follow what everyone else is doing?

Each of us have different talents and look different and have different feelings. We are not messed up because we're not like "everyone else" because there is no such thing as everyone else. No one is the same.

This year, I thought I was messed up because I had trouble remembering things and I basically drowned myself with thoughts. I realized that forgetting and thinking too much were shared with many of my friends. They just didn't make it known and worried about other important things. The advice I got was just write things down and I realized that pretty much everyone does that. No big deal.

Your "flaws" can be flaws to you, but to others, make you more beautiful and unique. Embrace them! The "flaws" or characteristics that you can't change unless you get a surgery or have to pay for, is not worth changing. You are like that for a reason. Make the best out of who you are and love yourself! ♥

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzgMk53uoPg

Freckles - Natasha Bedingfield

Covered by Jordan Pruitt